Is Personal Responsibility a Love Cop Out?

In the last few weeks I have been on Facebook and the common thread has been whether or not we use the Progressive Love tenets to cover up our lack of responsibility in relationships.  In other words, if we all take personal responsibility for our happiness – is this an excuse to not be kind/caring to our partners?  After all, they should make their own happiness…

Some may say that relating with the ground rules of: no victims/no villains, no blame/no shame, no cop-outs/ no drop-outs ~ The purpose is Growth; are indeed very useful and true to relating happily ever after…. For most of us who understand that conscious relating is the number one, or the ground guideline that needs to be in place. For some, these 4 tenants can be used as an excuse or an escape goat for bad behavior… Acting in the Me,Me,Me and forgetting that relationships are about the We,We,We.

Yes we are all individuals and yes love comes from within, which explains the idea that Progressive Love would have us take personal responsibility for the quality of love we create – but also we are humans that crave contact, touch and communion with others. We want to share our love and have the love shared back.  We want our partner to CARE – not tell us ”you create your life”.  If this weren’t true than why would we have come into this world of community instead of segregating ourselves away from each other.

Conscious relating is described as relating with myself through others. To have an understanding of how we are to ourselves, seeing our own proclivities through the behaviors of others. If we are in disagreement with the outcomes of our relationships with others, we are in disagreement with that within us.  Relationships are for the sole purpose of casting mirrors before us.

Conscious relating is perhaps the toughest act to accomplish. We have been brought up by our parents, schools, churches, friends, mentors to relate according to what makes others happy. Self-sacrificing relationships, in which we do what pleases others expecting they will do the same for us. To stop and relate in a way that you must open up an be completely honest about yourself, dreams, failures, inspirations, past failures and such; it’s so scary. In the beginning it may make u fear abandonment, failure and such. Once you get past this hurdles you understand that you have been relating to someone who may have the same issues and fears as you……. Your mirror.

Intimacy or “in-to-me-see” is part of conscious and Progressive Love. Once we realize that everyone’s behaviors that bother us or please us are behaviors within us we will be able to see into ourselves the change or enhancement we want in others.Once we comprehend this, following the tenants, which essentially place each individual as responsible party for one’s own happiness, becomes a benefit instead of a way to escape all responsibility. We are able to stay and play, commit, open, and become profoundly available to grow.  DO you agree?

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