Judging Books By Their Covers: 13 Nouns I Just Can't Trust
Автор: Black Dating Service
1. Black men with no bass in their voice
I’m offended when I meet a black dude, gay or straight, with no bass in his voice whatsoever. Nobody should feel like they’re talking to a flute when you speak.
2. Men who give very feminine weak a** dap
What kind of sh*t is that? You ever met a dude who just gave you an ole limp hand dap or didn’t even finish the sh*t off? Like a black dude who forgot to lock the sh*t up at the end? F*ckin’ offends me. I always wonder where they come from or where they were raised. I know some folks who give pussydap. And it makes me feel dirty
3. Green sauces
I know this one is kind of off-kilter but I just don’t trust green sauces. Avocado, guacamole, relish. Do you remember the Garbage Pail Kids? Me too. When the garbage can fell over, slimy green sauce that favored guacamole came out. I’ve been ruined since I was 8. I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like green sauces…if you try to give me green sauce, I’ll try to kill you with the force of a thousand meese.
Or I’ll just ask for some ketchup or something. Something that resembles blood because that’s natural!
4. Black men who exclusively date outside of their race, or anybody who does that for that matter
Because I don’t understand it, I can’t trust it. When faced with the buffet of beautiful women of your same race, I do not understand how a man can rebuke them all and determine they aren’t good enough. That man doesn’t like himself and probably has a bad case of Ajax.
5. Black folks who wear blue contacts
Umm…you’re lying to yourself so you will lie to me. Hell, I’d be skeptical if they told me that 2+2=4. I’d want to know exactly how they came to that conclusion because I’d think there was a lie in there somewhere.
6. White people
I keed, I keed. My best friend is white!
That’s a lie too. Don’t trust me.
7. Cauliflower
This is true though. I do not trust white vegetables. There is something seriously wrong when there is only one white vegetable out there. How is it that only ONE veggie is white? There are a few green veggies, a few yellow, and a few orange. But just one white. The gig is up b*tch. And I ain’t drinkin’ the kool-aid.
8. Black people who are too good for Kool-Aid
I vehemently believe that if you are too good for Kool-aid, you should just perish. Kool-Aid is everything that’s right with the world.
9. Black people who don’t like Black people
Does this even need an explanation?
10. Folks who tell you that they’d never kick you while you’re down, while you watch them kick somebody else while they’re down
The dumb sh*t here is that folks will honestly mean it…right up until they do it to you. They’ll tell you that you aren’t like other people then WHAM! Steel-toed workboots all up in you’re a**.
11. North Korea
Not sure why, but that place just gives me the willies.
12. Anybody who hasn’t seen Coming To America
Because its perfect in every way but one. Not sure what that one way is, but nobody’s perfect. Jesus teaches me so.
13. Anybody who wasn’t moved while watching the Michael Jackson memorial service
You have no soul. Stevie Wonder almost brought tears to my eyes. That was a very fitting, well done, and moving homegoing ceremony. Even Al Shartpon came with the thunder. If you find a way to hate on this, you should just go eat two bay leaves and an anvil. RIP MJ.
Read Also:
Ten Worst Gifts You Can Give A Woman
Do’s and Don’ts Of Meeting The Parents
Seven Signs That You Might Suck In The Sack
5 Skills Every Man and Woman Should Master
Four Ways To Know She’s Probably Trying To Hit
What Men Really Mean When They’re Talking To You