How “Deal Or No Deal” Dating Has Changed The Game
Автор: Black Dating Service
***the following is portion of a conversation the lovely lizzard and i had yesterday. my “extra” thoughts are in italics.***
champ: i want to write about this map i discovered online a couple days ago. only problem is that it’s two years old, and i’m late as hell in finding this.
liz: what kinda map?
***the map in question is an interactive national singles chart created by jonathan soma in 2008. in it you’ll find info such as “for every 1000 people in durham, north carolina, there are 27 more single men than single women“. the map is also age-adjustable. for instance, you could pin-point the data for all of the 30 to 64 year old singles in the country if you wanted.
the image i’ve included in the entry is a screenshot of the singles info for 20 to 34 year olds nationwide. the metropolitan areas where single men outnumber single women are blue. as you can see, the entire country is blue. yes, you read that correctly: in basically every city that actually matters, there are more 20 to 34 year old single men than 20 to 34 year old single women***
liz: damn. clearly i need to get myself back to LA.
actually, no i don’t. when i adjust for age the only place i shouldn’t be is el paso, tx, south carolina, and alabama
champ: lol
liz: still, more mens for me in LA tho
***liz’s intentionally incorrect use of plurals always cracks me up***
champ: more mens everywhere basically
liz: yeah
champ: which goes against common thinking
liz: so why is my ass still single
champ: well, this map doesn’t take race into account, or sexuality. this is just raw male/female data
***this is true. the map doesn’t make any distinctions between eligible and ineligible. everyone, from criminals to kappas, counts. with that being said, i’m still shocked at how easily the single men in the “there aint any single men” age range outnumber the single women. its not even close. it isn’t until we get around the 30 to 50 range that single women start outnumbering the men***
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champ: and you’re single because you want to be
liz: i would want a race map
am i really???
i would think that would mean i’m turning n*ggas down
champ: lol
liz: but i’m not, lol
***don’t let this convo fool you. liz rejects more n*ggas than wells fargo***
liz: i mean i kinda turned a n*gga down the other night but i was drunk and eating an ice cream cone
***see?***
champ: when was the last time you met someone you wanted to be in a relationship with?
liz: hmm. tough question. cuz in my mind i always want men i shouldn’t be wanting
champ: i’m sure there are a ton of people you could be in bullsh*t or even not-really-all-that-bad relationships with if you wanted to be
liz: the last time i really liked a guy and he liked me back was 2 yrs ago
true. u right
the champ: i don’t think the single “epidemic” has to do with people needing to change sh*t about themselves, really. n*ggas just aint impressed with each other. it’s not so much a lack of options but so many options that we think we’ll be able to do better.
***i’m surprised this point doesn’t come up more often in the ubiquitous “why are ya’ll n*ggas single?” discussion. its not so much that we have limited options, it’s just that many of us play a relationship version of “deal or no deal” until we either get lucky or run out of time***
liz: hmmmm. interesting argument
champ: it was easier to commit 50 years ago when the only women you’d ever see lived within a three block radius of you
liz: yup. which makes sense cuz the south and middle america marries so early
and them n*ggas aint got the internets or newfangled technology.
at least they’re not as hyperconnected as the coastal cities. and the n*ggas who would leave those areas have left, to go to the bigger cities. everyone else is staying home and local
champ: i mean, back in the day, you knew you had no shot at lena horne, so you just wifed up the first girl that said yes when you asked her to the drive-in.
liz: lolol, tru. also maybe hyper-educated n*ggas see and know there’s more fish in the sea by way of just their already being “exceptional” negroes. at least for the overly educated black woman this might make some sense
champ: this is true. you dont want to “settle” because you’ve seen “better” with your own eyes
liz: like my BFF in high school is my age and has been married twice already. to guys who were super local, and not really doing much in terms of extra-ness like college.
and not that thats a bad thing. its more like these folks r happy with what they come across. in their everyday life
champ: no, it’s not a bad thing at all
liz: i guess educated n*ggas r like f*ck that, i know there’s better?
i dunno lol. i know with me, over the past like….4 or 5 yrs, ive thought the caliber of men ive met are getting better, and in some sense maybe im expecting to land me an investment broker
***question: does anybody actually know any investment brokers personally? just asking because people often cite this profession in conversations when trying to name a perfunctory lucrative career, but nobody seems to actually know any. i know 26 year old black brain surgeons. sh*t, i’m even friends with a guy from the blackest part of pittsburgh who was the starting point guard on russia’s olympic team in 2008, but i’ve yet to see any evidence that black investment brokers actually exist. every time i heard someone name drop one i feel like i’m being punked***
i dunno
champ: it’s like going to a shoe store with 2000 different pairs of air force 1’s. its easier to buy something if you only have 5 pairs to choose from.
liz: OBO
or best offer
some people say that’s a problem women have. they’re just looking or waiting for a better offer
champ: its much easier to make a choice if you have limited options
liz: yeah u right. esp if u think u have met the capacity of your options
the odd thing about pple like me is we don’t realize this
my smalltown BFF came and i really wanted to be like, how the f*ck did u find a man so soon? in oklahoma city!
maybe its just the nature of how we live tho. we think we got more options in everything, so with dating its whatever. its hard to wrap my mind on it tho, cuz i cant think like how smaller town or non mobile pple think
***liz is such a f*cking snob. i love it***
i feel like in a small town id just be single for forever or somebody would “grow” on me
this map gives me hope. makes me feel less claustrophobic of being single the rest of my life. however, basically once i turn 30 i need to stay the f*ck out of the south. and once i turn 40, that’s my tipping point. shit starts to even out around the country
the good news is cali is a safe bastion well into my 40s
champ: apparently orlando is too
liz: lol
champ: actually, i got that wrong. orlando supposedly has a bunch of cougars
you’d just be adding to the population
liz: LOLOL
people of vsb.com, does the data in the map surprise you? do you think i had a point when i mentioned that people are single because they want to be? also, do you think us having too many options and opportunities is a real obstacle when dating and figuring when to commit?
lastly, isn’t liz the greatest?