7 Ways To Feign A Recent Long Term Relationship
Автор: Black Dating Service
Per last Sunday’s whiny column in Modern Love about a woman embarrassed that she hadn’t been in a relationship for 8 years, I’ve provided a list for those whose dry-spell has turned into Death Valley. Here are some lines to hoodwink the one who could end the drought:
1. When your date orders a drink, say “_______ used to love that drink” and then stare down solemnly at your napkin.
2. Memorize this line: “I think we all learn more about ourselves through our relationships.”
3. Reference an exotic vacation with an ex. It’s important that they know you were once in love and traveling.
4. When discussing politics, conveniently mention how “________ ” was a heartless republican.
5. Mention a funeral. You always go to at least one funeral when you’re in a long term relationship.
6. Invent a “song” that was “your” song with “that” guy/girl. Preferably this will happen to be a song that is playing at the restaurant or bar where you are on your present date.
7. When you’re in a long term relationship you usually share a gym membership and phone plan. This might be an opportune time to talk about how you’re ready to switch carriers once and for all.
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Have you ever heard the quote, “Be the change you wish to see in the world,” spoken by Mahatma Gandhi? Well, it’s my mantra, and more importantly, my latest Facebook status lol!
Anyway, my name is Cheyenne, and the most important thing you need to know about me is that I’ve dedicated my life to others. I dropped out of school in 5th grade to join the Peace Corp, and I haven’t ever once shaved my armpits, which is how you know I’m truly dedicated. The picture above is me, Akiko, Mamawa and Oluchi from Ethiopia…I mean, me, Abeo, Zuna and Njemele from Nigeria…or maybe it’s me, Gloria, Kristen and Melissa at Halloween? You know what I don’t remember who it was because I’ve just helped so many. Charity, charity, charity! That’s me, lol!
I’m interested in men, I think, but only if you have an old soul and eat kale for breakfast. Or if you shower twice a year and have dreadlocks. I envision us riding our bicycles to the farmer’s market after a day of volunteering at some local nonprofit annual art festival where we tried to exchange our unfettered ideas to people who were just there for the kettle korn. We will do so much good, you and I, and it will somehow start in a drum circle. We will adopt 539 dogs from the shelter, move to Africa, and teach everyone English! Can you see it? Our lives together? I can! A little too well. But then again that just might be from the shrooms I did earlier.