Country Fried Steak

woman lying on bed with white bedspread

Vanilla: "Let's just go to the enginerding frat party."

Me: "I don't know man. I'm in the Agricultural Engineering college, but I'm not exactly an engineering major."

Vanilla: "Fuck it, let's just try anyway."

I walk in with him, Dopeman, and Big Country. I guess I'm an engineering major. As soon as Big Country sets a foot off of the sidewalk, into the grass...

Feline: "Hey, you're hot!"

Looking at Big Country, she grabs his hand...

Feline: "And you are too! My friend likes guys like you. Come with me!"

Ok. She rushes off, with both of us in tow. She introduces me to her friend, who immediately takes me to the dance floor and starts talking to me...

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Me: "I'm thirsty."

Blo: "I'll go get you a beer. Wait here."

Good girl. All of a sudden, another girl approaches me...

Manda: "Hey, you're cute. Are you in the frat!?"

Me: "Umm, yeah, guess so."

Manda: "Who do you know?"

Quick, make up a fucking name...

Me: "Mike, I know Mike."

Manda: "Oh, I know him!"

You can never go wrong with a Mike. She hands me a beer and drags me to the dance floor...

Me: "Where's the restroom?"

She drags me upstairs. Too many girls are in the same restroom. I know that they're all wondering how big my dick is (well, not all). It's happened before when I was at a party in a restroom, and three girls walked in, shut the door, and asked to see my dick because they've never seen a black guys dick before. I can't piss here.

I go outside where there are others pissing, but still a crowd of people around. Come on baby. Just a little bit. A little drop for daddy. Come on, cooooome on. Nothing. I end up walking down the alley, where no one is around. Relief.

I walk back in, and Manda grabs me again...

Manda: "Where'd you go!?"

Me: "I had to go smell my plume."

OK, I really didn't say that. We find Big Country and his Feline. We start dancing again...

Manda and Feline: "You two are coming home with us tonight!"

We have the girls facing back to back. We reach over them and give each other a high five. I look over to my left, and there's Blo...

Blo: "Here's your beer. So how are you and Manda doing?"

Me: "You guys know each other?"

Blo: "Yeah, she's my roommate."

AWK-WAAARD. Blo eventually walks off, leaving me with Manda...

Manda: "I like guys like you."

Me: "What do you mean, assholes who piss off your roommate?"

Manda: "No, tall black guys."

I guess I now know why it was so easy for me. There are only 3-4 tall black guys on this campus who are actually at bars/parties. Me, Chi-Chi, a guy named Dan, and one whom I see, but haven't met yet...

Manda: "I'm an African Studies major."

Me: "Are you kidding me??"

She isn't exactly dark skinned. She's white, so I'm a little surprised...

Manda: "I'm going on an internship in Africa soon."

Me: "Then maybe I'll take you for a ride on one of my safari's..."

She knows that I'm joking and laughs. We keep dancing, and I whisper something in her ear...

Me: "You smell so fucking good."

I pull back and look her in her eyes...

Manda: "What would you say if I kissed you?"

Me: "You should do what you want, and stop thinking so much."

She latches onto my shirt and pulls me in. We begin kissing. I bite her lip. Look at her. Peck. Bite it again. We make-out. I pull away. Eye contact. Pause...

Manda: "You're so hot."

Grabs me by the back of my neck, and pulls me back in for round two.

I then notice that Big Country has disappeared. She helps me find him. Uhoh, I think he did something to piss his Feline off, because he is by himself. It's time to go...


Me: "Leave it alone dude. Let's just go."

Big Country: "NO, I'M WAITING!"

Oh God. I wait outside of the party for him, while he goes to hunt down his prey. He has no luck. End of night.

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